As you probably know, I am a man who identifies as a feminist. A recent blog post made me reconsider exactly what that means. In the post and the comments on said post, I learned that some people don't think men can be feminists/shouldn't take the label for themselves. This started a long thought process for me that I'm going to share here. One of the things I have concluded is that adopting the label is a conscious act. It means something.
First, I want to talk about what my feminist identity means to me. It is a statement to others about my agreement with an ideology (feminist theory) and my stance of solidarity with the women's movement. The blog writer and several commenters expressed a fear that men who identified as feminists were simply doing so to score points with women and/or insert themselves into leadership in feminist movements. I'm sure that's happened and will happen in the future. It sucks and men who do that are dickholes.
I agree with those who were arguing that specific viewpoint insofar as I know that applying the label of feminism to a man does not exempt him from male privilege. Feminist men are still fully subject to male privilege, no matter how long they have identified this way. I know that. I try to check my privilege every day because I know that it blinds me and advantages me at the same time. This makes it a lot more difficult for a man to be a feminist.
Where I disagree, however, is the argument that because of male privilege, men cannot be feminist. In the selfsame comment thread, they seem to accept a definition of feminism as "the struggle to end patriarchal oppression of women." MEN CAN DO THAT TOO! I have heard it said (and said so myself) that feminism doesn't hate men-it respects them enough to have higher expectations. Not to imply that these people hate men, but I don't think men are so crippled that they cannot struggle to end patriarchal oppression of women. Must they acknowledge and constantly be aware of their position in the power hierarchy in which they perpetuate systems of inequality while doing so? Absolutely. But honestly, give men some credit here. I believe that men are good enough to (with much effort) be feminists too.
P.S. This discussion is brought to you by The Gender Binary™ and Cissexist Assumptions Productions, Inc.
Seriously though, I might write another blog post about why this blog post was informed and shaped by assumptions about gender that aren't true. No promises, but I totally might.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Jon Stewart: Welcome to my Shit List
So, in case you were unaware, people in America hates atheists. Google atheist discrimination or something if you doubt me. Of course, as with many forms of marginalization, the methods of discrimination have changed in recent years. Largely due to the influence of the advocacy of secular and humanist groups, most people seem to have stopped making open statements about how worthless atheists are as American citizens (*cough* Bush senior *cough*).
No, many people say that they accept atheists nowadays. I've heard the oft-repeated phrase that people can believe in whatever they please. While frequently people qualify this with "as long as they believe in something anyway", I've found that to be less and less common as time goes on. Most people would look at this and claim that this proves that there isn't any religious discrimination against atheists anymore. Well, they are wrong.
An insidious tactic that people seem to use to keep their hate alive is to say they accept (insert minority here), but they wish they didn't have to hear about the problems of said minority. I've seen this directed at almost every oppressed group you can name. Usually, though, there are other people willing to condemn this, as it's a clear attempt to suppress diverging opinions.
This is not at all the case with atheism.
EVERYBODY hates on the atheists when they dare to speak up about something. In fact, I have yet to meet anybody who isn't an atheist who is willing to defend us. Heck, even other atheists throw us under the bus. Time and time again, I've been with other social justice activists and almost none of them think this type of discrimination against atheists matters. Whenever atheists or freethinkers or humanists or whoever speaks up to point out that they are being excluded by some stupid religious practice being legitimized by a supposedly godless government, they get shit on.
The atheists in question are suddenly being assholes, or being overly critical, or making too big of a deal out of a minor issue. You know, the same kind of bullshit people pull with feminists. What's got me fired up about this right now? This shit right here.
Because how dare those atheists file a lawsuit against a clear promotion of Christianity in a museum largely funded by taxpayer dollars? How dare they challenge a clear endorsement of the Christian faith?! What assholes they are to point out that the separation of church and state is a thing! And David Silverman has the audacity to point out that it doesn't even make sense... what an asshole.
So thank you, Jon Stewart, for following in the footsteps of almost everybody else. I really appreciate what you do for politics and I am certain that many of us would be worse off without you. Not atheists, though. I've always been a bit wary of your middle-of-the-road-let's-compromise fetish, but till now it hasn't really rubbed me the wrong way. But this really shows me the folly in your particular approach to politics. The middle of the road isn't always the place to be. What you are doing, Jon, is pretending like you are superior because you are mature enough to compromise. I have seen enough false equivalences in my time (climate change "skeptics", anyone?) to see the danger of that line of thinking.
So, although I quite enjoy your show and even the aforementioned segment made me laugh, I'm putting you on my shit list. You can join the PA liquor control board, the American Family Association, and Herman Cain (fuck you forever and always, you miserable bastard).
No, many people say that they accept atheists nowadays. I've heard the oft-repeated phrase that people can believe in whatever they please. While frequently people qualify this with "as long as they believe in something anyway", I've found that to be less and less common as time goes on. Most people would look at this and claim that this proves that there isn't any religious discrimination against atheists anymore. Well, they are wrong.
An insidious tactic that people seem to use to keep their hate alive is to say they accept (insert minority here), but they wish they didn't have to hear about the problems of said minority. I've seen this directed at almost every oppressed group you can name. Usually, though, there are other people willing to condemn this, as it's a clear attempt to suppress diverging opinions.
This is not at all the case with atheism.
EVERYBODY hates on the atheists when they dare to speak up about something. In fact, I have yet to meet anybody who isn't an atheist who is willing to defend us. Heck, even other atheists throw us under the bus. Time and time again, I've been with other social justice activists and almost none of them think this type of discrimination against atheists matters. Whenever atheists or freethinkers or humanists or whoever speaks up to point out that they are being excluded by some stupid religious practice being legitimized by a supposedly godless government, they get shit on.
The atheists in question are suddenly being assholes, or being overly critical, or making too big of a deal out of a minor issue. You know, the same kind of bullshit people pull with feminists. What's got me fired up about this right now? This shit right here.
Because how dare those atheists file a lawsuit against a clear promotion of Christianity in a museum largely funded by taxpayer dollars? How dare they challenge a clear endorsement of the Christian faith?! What assholes they are to point out that the separation of church and state is a thing! And David Silverman has the audacity to point out that it doesn't even make sense... what an asshole.
So thank you, Jon Stewart, for following in the footsteps of almost everybody else. I really appreciate what you do for politics and I am certain that many of us would be worse off without you. Not atheists, though. I've always been a bit wary of your middle-of-the-road-let's-compromise fetish, but till now it hasn't really rubbed me the wrong way. But this really shows me the folly in your particular approach to politics. The middle of the road isn't always the place to be. What you are doing, Jon, is pretending like you are superior because you are mature enough to compromise. I have seen enough false equivalences in my time (climate change "skeptics", anyone?) to see the danger of that line of thinking.
So, although I quite enjoy your show and even the aforementioned segment made me laugh, I'm putting you on my shit list. You can join the PA liquor control board, the American Family Association, and Herman Cain (fuck you forever and always, you miserable bastard).
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
A Few Words About Rape Culture
The following is a *very* slightly edited version of something I posted elsewhere, but wanted to post here so I can look back at it later. This was basically my attempt to educate people about a culture of rape who had never engaged with these issues before. I'll probably recycle it later. Here it is:
What is a rape culture, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. A culture of rape is a system of ways of thinking and acting that legitimize rape. A culture of rape means that people often do things that make rape okay by implication. A few examples:
Catcalling Any man who catcalls or wolf-whistles a woman is saying that he has the right to comment on her body. Why would he have the right to comment on her body? Because it doesn't belong to her. For some reason, people seem to think that women's bodies exist in the public sphere. Therefore, anyone has the right to comment on them or critique them. This makes rape okay because you can do as you please with your own property. If you see women as your own property (read: you catcall them), then it's okay to rape them.
Slut-shaming If you call women sluts and whores, you are contributing to rape culture. Why? Because you are putting women down for expressing their sexuality. When you label women whores, you aren't just talking about any women. You are talking about "those women" specifically. The ones who enjoy sex too much (or really, at all). You are separating them from the "normal women" and saying that these whores are worth less in your eyes. And if they are less valuable, it's more okay to rape these women than "normal" women. Of course, you can really slut-shame any women on the planet because here's a secret: if you call women who enjoy sex sluts, and all women enjoy sex, then all women are sluts. Hmm. Of course, slut-shaming wouldn't be quite as problematic without...
Victim Blaming This is one of my favorites. Victim blaming is when people entertain the fallacious and offensive notion that women who are raped wanted it or deserved it. People who say things like, "she was asking for it" or "what did she think was going to happen??". Obviously this contributes to a rape culture because people act like rape is the fault of anyone but the rapist. If women who dress like sluts (see slut-shaming above!) are asking to be raped, then who can blame some poor unsuspecting guy who assumes that she wants to have sex and doesn't wait for consent? It wasn't his fault, she led him on!! She was dancing seductively! Shit like that is victim blaming. In case you were wondering, rapists cause rape. Alcohol doesn't cause rape. Miniskirts don't cause rape. Dancing doesn't cause rape. RAPISTS DO.
Those are just a few things that contribute to the culture of rape. There are also many others.
Note: I don't want you to think that I came up with these ideas myself. As someone who is subject to male privilege, I have had to learn about these things from feminists. I had to learn these things from women. I had to challenge myself to really understand why this is such a big deal and how I, as a man, have contributed to these things. I am aware that many men probably haven't done all of that, and probably won't agree with me. They need to get educated.
What is a rape culture, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. A culture of rape is a system of ways of thinking and acting that legitimize rape. A culture of rape means that people often do things that make rape okay by implication. A few examples:
Catcalling Any man who catcalls or wolf-whistles a woman is saying that he has the right to comment on her body. Why would he have the right to comment on her body? Because it doesn't belong to her. For some reason, people seem to think that women's bodies exist in the public sphere. Therefore, anyone has the right to comment on them or critique them. This makes rape okay because you can do as you please with your own property. If you see women as your own property (read: you catcall them), then it's okay to rape them.
Slut-shaming If you call women sluts and whores, you are contributing to rape culture. Why? Because you are putting women down for expressing their sexuality. When you label women whores, you aren't just talking about any women. You are talking about "those women" specifically. The ones who enjoy sex too much (or really, at all). You are separating them from the "normal women" and saying that these whores are worth less in your eyes. And if they are less valuable, it's more okay to rape these women than "normal" women. Of course, you can really slut-shame any women on the planet because here's a secret: if you call women who enjoy sex sluts, and all women enjoy sex, then all women are sluts. Hmm. Of course, slut-shaming wouldn't be quite as problematic without...
Victim Blaming This is one of my favorites. Victim blaming is when people entertain the fallacious and offensive notion that women who are raped wanted it or deserved it. People who say things like, "she was asking for it" or "what did she think was going to happen??". Obviously this contributes to a rape culture because people act like rape is the fault of anyone but the rapist. If women who dress like sluts (see slut-shaming above!) are asking to be raped, then who can blame some poor unsuspecting guy who assumes that she wants to have sex and doesn't wait for consent? It wasn't his fault, she led him on!! She was dancing seductively! Shit like that is victim blaming. In case you were wondering, rapists cause rape. Alcohol doesn't cause rape. Miniskirts don't cause rape. Dancing doesn't cause rape. RAPISTS DO.
Those are just a few things that contribute to the culture of rape. There are also many others.
Note: I don't want you to think that I came up with these ideas myself. As someone who is subject to male privilege, I have had to learn about these things from feminists. I had to learn these things from women. I had to challenge myself to really understand why this is such a big deal and how I, as a man, have contributed to these things. I am aware that many men probably haven't done all of that, and probably won't agree with me. They need to get educated.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Joe Paterno and Penn State Shitfests
Here. Read this article.
Now that you've done that, I want to explore a few ideas.
First. People who do fucked up crap like this:
Truth is, if not for Paterno's philanthropy and moral code (until his fatal lapse of judgment), I and thousands of others wouldn't be here right noe. If not for Paterno... Pennsylvania State might still be an agriculture school and State College might be lucky if there were a Wal-Mart within a 30-mile radius. Paterno made a huge mistake, but that doesn't mean he's not a good man.
-Emily
This is rape apologism. This is the same shit we see with Chris Brown. "Oh, he just made a mistake and we need to forgive him!!" This is not okay. What you are excusing is inexcusable. Gender violence isn't the sort of thing you can just apologize for. Did Chris Brown get punished? Yes. Did he apologize? Yes. Did he learn from his "mistake"? No. He now gets angry whenever anyone brings up his history with violence. He fails to understand that this isn't something that can or should be forgotten. I'm sorry Chris, but you don't get a free pass on beating your girlfriend.
Now if I were Joe or Chris and I were truly sorry, I would be acting very differently from the way they have been. As for Joe, he should offer up a less insulting and more substantial response than to encourage people to pray for the victims of child rape that he permitted. Chris should be perfectly willing to talk about his history of violence. He should be open and honest about it because (and this is very important) domestic violence is not something that should be ignored in the name of "privacy". This sort of shit should never, never be swept under the rug and forgotten.
Both of these men, if they truly feel sorry and want to atone (if atonement can ever be found) should use their considerable influence with their fans to spread awareness about this issue. Gender violence is something that has been ignored for far, far too long. With so many prominent cases of gender violence allegations being covered by the media in such a short time, now is the time to raise awareness. These men should do something about that, but I guarantee you that they never will. Why? Because they haven't learned. So for people like Emily who are falling all over themselves to excuse their behavior, wake up and stop telling us that rape and domestic violence is okay as long as the perpetrators are sorry. It does NOT work that way.
P.S. At least these men don't completely deny the truth of these allegations or take shelter behind a false shield of moral authority (I'm looking at you, Herman Cain and Pope Benedict. A hearty fuck you to both of them!!)
P.P.S. I hope Emily really enjoys the Wal-Mart. She seems to think it was worth it.
Second, I want to talk about pity in two sections. One for those who feel sorry for Joe and the rest of the coaching staff, and another for those who have been wasting time bemoaning the fate of the football program.
As for those who feel sorry for Joe and his coaching staff (all of whom I am assuming knew about these happenings- if you can find convincing evidence to the contrary please let me know) ...what the fuck are you thinking?? Why do people who condoned child rape deserve your pity? I do not care who you admire or how you feel about these people, but groups and individuals who allowed such atrocities to continue need to be punished. I'm actually surprised this needs to be stated.
Apart from that, if you have been feeling just awful about these poor college students in the football program... I totally agree with you!! Oh how horrible it must be for these students. First their great hero JoePa gets smeared by these awful allegations and now everyone hates Penn State!! People are talking about shutting down the football program and firing the coaching staff and it's all so miserable for them! They won't be able to play football, for God's sake! Isn't that just the worst thing you've ever heard?????
... Oh, wait. It's not. Children were raped. Lives were ruined. But do the Penn State football fans seem to care? Nope. Let's reexamine that article: "Abuse flew at Matko from young and old, students and alumni, men and women. No one intervened. No one spoke out against the abuse. One disapproving student said, 'Not now, man. This is about the football players.'"
And for them, it is. It really and truly is. But it shouldn't be. The focus of these asinine students should not be on whining about their precious fucking football program. They should be focusing on the culture on that campus that led to such abuse taking place, and what they can do to prevent it from ever happening again. But they don't. Instead, they spend their time physically attacking anyone who suggests that they should pay more attention to the problem of child rape than their stupid-ass sports team.
Now that you've done that, I want to explore a few ideas.
First. People who do fucked up crap like this:
Truth is, if not for Paterno's philanthropy and moral code (until his fatal lapse of judgment), I and thousands of others wouldn't be here right noe. If not for Paterno... Pennsylvania State might still be an agriculture school and State College might be lucky if there were a Wal-Mart within a 30-mile radius. Paterno made a huge mistake, but that doesn't mean he's not a good man.
-Emily
This is rape apologism. This is the same shit we see with Chris Brown. "Oh, he just made a mistake and we need to forgive him!!" This is not okay. What you are excusing is inexcusable. Gender violence isn't the sort of thing you can just apologize for. Did Chris Brown get punished? Yes. Did he apologize? Yes. Did he learn from his "mistake"? No. He now gets angry whenever anyone brings up his history with violence. He fails to understand that this isn't something that can or should be forgotten. I'm sorry Chris, but you don't get a free pass on beating your girlfriend.
Now if I were Joe or Chris and I were truly sorry, I would be acting very differently from the way they have been. As for Joe, he should offer up a less insulting and more substantial response than to encourage people to pray for the victims of child rape that he permitted. Chris should be perfectly willing to talk about his history of violence. He should be open and honest about it because (and this is very important) domestic violence is not something that should be ignored in the name of "privacy". This sort of shit should never, never be swept under the rug and forgotten.
Both of these men, if they truly feel sorry and want to atone (if atonement can ever be found) should use their considerable influence with their fans to spread awareness about this issue. Gender violence is something that has been ignored for far, far too long. With so many prominent cases of gender violence allegations being covered by the media in such a short time, now is the time to raise awareness. These men should do something about that, but I guarantee you that they never will. Why? Because they haven't learned. So for people like Emily who are falling all over themselves to excuse their behavior, wake up and stop telling us that rape and domestic violence is okay as long as the perpetrators are sorry. It does NOT work that way.
P.S. At least these men don't completely deny the truth of these allegations or take shelter behind a false shield of moral authority (I'm looking at you, Herman Cain and Pope Benedict. A hearty fuck you to both of them!!)
P.P.S. I hope Emily really enjoys the Wal-Mart. She seems to think it was worth it.
Second, I want to talk about pity in two sections. One for those who feel sorry for Joe and the rest of the coaching staff, and another for those who have been wasting time bemoaning the fate of the football program.
As for those who feel sorry for Joe and his coaching staff (all of whom I am assuming knew about these happenings- if you can find convincing evidence to the contrary please let me know) ...what the fuck are you thinking?? Why do people who condoned child rape deserve your pity? I do not care who you admire or how you feel about these people, but groups and individuals who allowed such atrocities to continue need to be punished. I'm actually surprised this needs to be stated.
Apart from that, if you have been feeling just awful about these poor college students in the football program... I totally agree with you!! Oh how horrible it must be for these students. First their great hero JoePa gets smeared by these awful allegations and now everyone hates Penn State!! People are talking about shutting down the football program and firing the coaching staff and it's all so miserable for them! They won't be able to play football, for God's sake! Isn't that just the worst thing you've ever heard?????
... Oh, wait. It's not. Children were raped. Lives were ruined. But do the Penn State football fans seem to care? Nope. Let's reexamine that article: "Abuse flew at Matko from young and old, students and alumni, men and women. No one intervened. No one spoke out against the abuse. One disapproving student said, 'Not now, man. This is about the football players.'"
And for them, it is. It really and truly is. But it shouldn't be. The focus of these asinine students should not be on whining about their precious fucking football program. They should be focusing on the culture on that campus that led to such abuse taking place, and what they can do to prevent it from ever happening again. But they don't. Instead, they spend their time physically attacking anyone who suggests that they should pay more attention to the problem of child rape than their stupid-ass sports team.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Masculinity: A Wish List
Dear Masculine Men,
I wish you would stop trying to force me into your box.
I wish you wouldn't try to make me play your game.
I wish you didn't make me feel ashamed to be who I am.
I wish you would avoid belittling me to build yourself higher.
I wish I didn't have to tiptoe around your ego.
I wish you wouldn't look down on me for liking what I like.
I wish you would let me express myself around you.
I wish you would let me make my own decisions about my own life without judgment.
I wish I could live freely without being chained to your perspective.
I wish you would, just for once, consider that there is another way.
I wish that when I look at you, I could think about something other than this. I think I wish that most of all.
I wish you would stop trying to force me into your box.
I wish you wouldn't try to make me play your game.
I wish you didn't make me feel ashamed to be who I am.
I wish you would avoid belittling me to build yourself higher.
I wish I didn't have to tiptoe around your ego.
I wish you wouldn't look down on me for liking what I like.
I wish you would let me express myself around you.
I wish you would let me make my own decisions about my own life without judgment.
I wish I could live freely without being chained to your perspective.
I wish you would, just for once, consider that there is another way.
I wish that when I look at you, I could think about something other than this. I think I wish that most of all.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Idealism
I have had a few conversations recently with a friend of mine. This friend is currently in the process of joining an organization. She really loves the work and she's very excited to become one of them. However, she has told me about some of the most open and astonishing displays of sexism I've ever heard of in this area coming from within the ranks of that organization. In order to protect her privacy, I have made some changes to the following narrative. This narrative represents mostly things that I wish I had said.
Yes, I'm an idealist, if that means I want to make a difference.
"The new pair of tits around the place"
"Out of all of the nicknames they've come up with for me, there is one that just pisses me off. This one guy was talking about me and he called me 'the new pair of tits around the place' and I was just... excuse me?"
Allow me to be clear. It's not that I have a problem with this because I'm a rather forward thinking chap who doesn't approve of such crude behavior or anything. I have a problem with this because it's wrong. Talking about women as if their boobs are the only things worth notice is wrong. If you ever wanted an idea of what feminists mean when they talk about men sexualizing women, this is a perfect example. This (if he can even be called that) man is saying that this woman is no more than her breasts. She exists to be enjoyed by the men. She has been, in a word, objectified.
"There are two kinds of women around here."
My friend tells me that another woman already in this organization sat her down and had a talk with her. After warning her that the men would hit on her mercilessly and shower her with insults if she turned them down, this woman says that there are two kinds of women in this line of work. There are women who get the job done, and there are women who fuck all of the men. Women who do the job are worthy, while the other kind are whores and therefore wothless. Of course, the men aren't whores. The men can do the job and also try to get laid. In fact, they are expected to. This is what we feminists like to call a double standard.
"At least it's better than it used to be. Before, women weren't even allowed in the building."
At least it's better than it used to be. Before, women weren't even allowed to vote.
At least it's better than it used to be. Before, women weren't even allowed out of the kitchen.
At least it's better than it used to be. Before, women were considered property.
And people think #reasonstobeatyourgirlfriend is funny.
"That's just the way it is. And it's not going to change"
Yes, that may be the way it is. But it doesn't always have to be this way. How do you think women achieved suffrage? It was not by saying things like, "that's just the way it is". These women faced opposition then too, and had less power to fight with. But if you have a problem with the way things are , then you must change it. We've made changes before, and how do you think that happened? We had to drag this society forward, kicking and screaming. There's always resistance, of course there is! If anything's unchanging, it's that. But I live my life with the belief that "that's the way it is" does not mean "that's the way it always will be".
Yes, I'm an idealist, if that means I want to make a difference.
Yes, I'm an idealist, if that means I know that I can make a difference.
Yes, I'm an idealist, if that means I'm willing to try.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Courage
I've been doing some thinking lately, and I've decided to fold two different trains of thought into one. This results in a blog post with twice the insight and half the writing!! Hooray!
In any case... courage. Recently, courage has taken on a new meaning for me. To me, courage is the willingness to be vulnerable. Instead of explaining myself right away, I'm going to make a confession.
I am uncomfortable with actively taking steps to threaten my masculinity. Such action can take many forms, and one of them is wearing nail polish. If you know me, you know that I've worn it before. In fact, I'm wearing it right now. One reason that I do it is to make a statement about gender roles. But a bigger reason is that it makes me uncomfortable to wear it everywhere. I mean, sure, I'm not the most masculine guy you can think of. But people notice bright nail polish. Being a privileged heterosexual man, I'm not used to walking around worrying how people see my sexuality/gender because of my appearance. And sure, nails seem awfully petty to make a fuss over, but you should try it and see how it goes.
I work with children during the summer, and one thing you can always trust children to do is be straightforward. Children say things that adults keep to themselves, or give weird looks for. And children ages 6-12 that attend the summer camp I work at have a lot to say on the subject. I cannot count the number of times my campers have called me a "girl", as if that were some kind of insult. One young boy asked me if he was supposed to go out with me. Even apart from that, I had my boss have a talk with me about allowing my girl campers to paint my boy campers' nails because my boss didn't want to anger any parents. After that, when I wear nail polish in public, I find myself constantly wondering what other people think about me. I expect strange looks and even comments. I've even tried to hide my fingers around strangers. Such are my efforts to combat my masculine ego that I don't want and supposedly have deconstructed. How did it make me feel? Vulnerable.
Back to courage. As I have discovered, even something as small as painting your nails and wearing it proudly takes courage. I'm doing it because I'm trying to free myself from participation in the exploitative and idiotic system of hegemonic masculinity. I'm doing it because it's hard. But I want to draw your attention to something.
There are people who do not have the choice that I have. Having cisgender privilege allows me to cast off my nail polish as I wish and instantly be free of those problems. Not everyone has that luxury. For example, take transgender people or people who are genderqueer. They have to put up with this bullshit all the time. They have no escape. I have the greatest respect for them, because it takes true courage to live your life in a society that reviles you. Of course, it's not like they make the decision to be courageous and combat prejudice. Whether they want to or not, they have to. So I don't want us privileged folks to start condescendingly congratulating people who are forced to live like this. Especially when we ourselves suffer from transphobia. I know I do. I have spewed disgustingly transphobic statements without even meaning to, even after I knew what transphobia was and hated it. I regret them to this day. Anyway.
My point with all of this is that it takes courage to stand out from the crowd. It takes courage to speak up and speak out. I say this because I am not the sort of person to make a stand against anything. I don't like conflict and I want everybody to be my friend. So I'll make a deal with you. I'll be more courageous in the future when advocating for social justice if you will. Because if we live in a world where some people are forced to be courageous or be crushed, we've got a serious problem. Us privileged folks need to show a little more courage.
Edited to fix language
In any case... courage. Recently, courage has taken on a new meaning for me. To me, courage is the willingness to be vulnerable. Instead of explaining myself right away, I'm going to make a confession.
I am uncomfortable with actively taking steps to threaten my masculinity. Such action can take many forms, and one of them is wearing nail polish. If you know me, you know that I've worn it before. In fact, I'm wearing it right now. One reason that I do it is to make a statement about gender roles. But a bigger reason is that it makes me uncomfortable to wear it everywhere. I mean, sure, I'm not the most masculine guy you can think of. But people notice bright nail polish. Being a privileged heterosexual man, I'm not used to walking around worrying how people see my sexuality/gender because of my appearance. And sure, nails seem awfully petty to make a fuss over, but you should try it and see how it goes.
I work with children during the summer, and one thing you can always trust children to do is be straightforward. Children say things that adults keep to themselves, or give weird looks for. And children ages 6-12 that attend the summer camp I work at have a lot to say on the subject. I cannot count the number of times my campers have called me a "girl", as if that were some kind of insult. One young boy asked me if he was supposed to go out with me. Even apart from that, I had my boss have a talk with me about allowing my girl campers to paint my boy campers' nails because my boss didn't want to anger any parents. After that, when I wear nail polish in public, I find myself constantly wondering what other people think about me. I expect strange looks and even comments. I've even tried to hide my fingers around strangers. Such are my efforts to combat my masculine ego that I don't want and supposedly have deconstructed. How did it make me feel? Vulnerable.
Back to courage. As I have discovered, even something as small as painting your nails and wearing it proudly takes courage. I'm doing it because I'm trying to free myself from participation in the exploitative and idiotic system of hegemonic masculinity. I'm doing it because it's hard. But I want to draw your attention to something.
There are people who do not have the choice that I have. Having cisgender privilege allows me to cast off my nail polish as I wish and instantly be free of those problems. Not everyone has that luxury. For example, take transgender people or people who are genderqueer. They have to put up with this bullshit all the time. They have no escape. I have the greatest respect for them, because it takes true courage to live your life in a society that reviles you. Of course, it's not like they make the decision to be courageous and combat prejudice. Whether they want to or not, they have to. So I don't want us privileged folks to start condescendingly congratulating people who are forced to live like this. Especially when we ourselves suffer from transphobia. I know I do. I have spewed disgustingly transphobic statements without even meaning to, even after I knew what transphobia was and hated it. I regret them to this day. Anyway.
My point with all of this is that it takes courage to stand out from the crowd. It takes courage to speak up and speak out. I say this because I am not the sort of person to make a stand against anything. I don't like conflict and I want everybody to be my friend. So I'll make a deal with you. I'll be more courageous in the future when advocating for social justice if you will. Because if we live in a world where some people are forced to be courageous or be crushed, we've got a serious problem. Us privileged folks need to show a little more courage.
Edited to fix language
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Not filler, not filler, definitely not filler.
Here's an excellent description of some Hollywood Men Archetypes
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Acceptance
I saw a staged reading of a play called The Knot this afternoon. It made me think, and I really liked that. The story revolved around two women and their lives in different time periods. It explored their sense of self, femininity, and relationships. It made me think about acceptance.
This inspired me to write a post about what acceptance means to me. Of course, as is often the case with this sort of thing, I have to start by mentioning a couple things that acceptance is NOT.
Acceptance is not legality.
More precisely, acceptance is about more than the law. For marginalized peoples, legality is really just a starting point. When we have arrived at the point where "the gays"/black people/women/whoever can vote/marry/live their lives in peace, we have only begun the struggle. Too many times I see privileged people (whites, men, heterosexuals, cisgendered people, I mean you) pat each other on the back and talk about how much better it is now that, for example, New York has legalized gay marriage. Yes, it's a good thing. But it's just the beginning. To take another example, my college recently (after we took over an administrative building for a few days) revamped its sexual violence policy. While this represents a victory, we've still got a long ways to go before we rid our campus of a rape culture. Do you think that Brown vs. Board of Education solved our problem with segregation in our education system? Do you think that when blacks and women earned the right to vote, we solved racism and sexism? If you think so, I suggest you take a long, hard look at the world we live in.
Acceptance is not tolerance.
This point is very important. Tolerance, while better than intolerance, is not enough. When you tolerate something, you don't like it. You don't tolerate your friends. You tolerate flies. You tolerate annoyances. Tolerance means you don't like something, but you allow it to continue. To put it in perspective, when it comes to marginalized groups, tolerance fucking sucks. "Congratulations, minority group! I tolerate you! I don't really like you or want to spend time around you, but I guess we can exist in the same society... Just stay away from my children." When we reach a point where everyone can be tolerated (which we haven't yet achieved) we'll have come a long way. But we won't be done. So please, don't act like tolerance is anywhere near enough.
Acceptance is about love.
When you accept someone, you appreciate them for who they are. To me, acceptance means that of COURSE gay people should be allowed to marry if they want to. So should trans men, trans women, genderqueer people, poor people, black people, multiracial people, disabled people, and polyamorous people. Acceptance means that you look at those who are different than you, and you love that they are different. You love diversity because it's a part of being human, and being identical is a fucking shitshow. As a people, we desperately need to understand this and stop wasting our time fighting with each other about this stuff. We need to accept diversity for the wonderful thing it is so that we can move on and grow as a people.
Fuck legalization, fuck tolerance, and fuck being the same. We are even better than all of that.
This inspired me to write a post about what acceptance means to me. Of course, as is often the case with this sort of thing, I have to start by mentioning a couple things that acceptance is NOT.
Acceptance is not legality.
More precisely, acceptance is about more than the law. For marginalized peoples, legality is really just a starting point. When we have arrived at the point where "the gays"/black people/women/whoever can vote/marry/live their lives in peace, we have only begun the struggle. Too many times I see privileged people (whites, men, heterosexuals, cisgendered people, I mean you) pat each other on the back and talk about how much better it is now that, for example, New York has legalized gay marriage. Yes, it's a good thing. But it's just the beginning. To take another example, my college recently (after we took over an administrative building for a few days) revamped its sexual violence policy. While this represents a victory, we've still got a long ways to go before we rid our campus of a rape culture. Do you think that Brown vs. Board of Education solved our problem with segregation in our education system? Do you think that when blacks and women earned the right to vote, we solved racism and sexism? If you think so, I suggest you take a long, hard look at the world we live in.
Acceptance is not tolerance.
This point is very important. Tolerance, while better than intolerance, is not enough. When you tolerate something, you don't like it. You don't tolerate your friends. You tolerate flies. You tolerate annoyances. Tolerance means you don't like something, but you allow it to continue. To put it in perspective, when it comes to marginalized groups, tolerance fucking sucks. "Congratulations, minority group! I tolerate you! I don't really like you or want to spend time around you, but I guess we can exist in the same society... Just stay away from my children." When we reach a point where everyone can be tolerated (which we haven't yet achieved) we'll have come a long way. But we won't be done. So please, don't act like tolerance is anywhere near enough.
Acceptance is about love.
When you accept someone, you appreciate them for who they are. To me, acceptance means that of COURSE gay people should be allowed to marry if they want to. So should trans men, trans women, genderqueer people, poor people, black people, multiracial people, disabled people, and polyamorous people. Acceptance means that you look at those who are different than you, and you love that they are different. You love diversity because it's a part of being human, and being identical is a fucking shitshow. As a people, we desperately need to understand this and stop wasting our time fighting with each other about this stuff. We need to accept diversity for the wonderful thing it is so that we can move on and grow as a people.
Fuck legalization, fuck tolerance, and fuck being the same. We are even better than all of that.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
I promise you'll get another full-length post soon...
In the meantime, I suggest you read everything on this website
Monday, July 4, 2011
Privilege Explained
If you ever ever ever ever ever EVER want a good explanation of privilege, here it is!
It's the best one I've ever seen.
It's the best one I've ever seen.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Oh my god. Are. You. Serious.
So more on the author of the previous linked article, LaShaun Williams. LaShaun Williams is a sexist, racist asshole.
This piece is so blatantly sexist that I was honestly surprised anyone dared publish it. I suspect that the only reason she gets away with saying these things is because she is (I'm fairly sure) a black woman. I feel awkward saying that, but she's really offensive. That whole piece is about how women are responsible for how men treat them. It's about how women control how they are perceived and she writes the same tired old stale moronic sexist fucking bullshit about how women who wear revealing clothing seem like sluts and are [naturally] treated as such. This makes me so very angry.
This piece is so blatantly sexist that I was honestly surprised anyone dared publish it. I suspect that the only reason she gets away with saying these things is because she is (I'm fairly sure) a black woman. I feel awkward saying that, but she's really offensive. That whole piece is about how women are responsible for how men treat them. It's about how women control how they are perceived and she writes the same tired old stale moronic sexist fucking bullshit about how women who wear revealing clothing seem like sluts and are [naturally] treated as such. This makes me so very angry.
Have a Nice Slab of Racism
http://madamenoire.com/22660/8-reasons-to-date-a-white-man-30188/
This is such an idiotic piece of crap. I kind of want to read more things that this woman writes just so I can continue to be baffled by them.
This is such an idiotic piece of crap. I kind of want to read more things that this woman writes just so I can continue to be baffled by them.
Friday, June 24, 2011
This Is A Bit of A New Thing: Read The Warning
Warning: Until now, almost all of my posts have been about gender/race. This one is about religion. I'm a fairly hardcore atheist, and I feel it's time I start including that here. This video throws about some pretty "offensive" language and imagery, but there's a point to this. This is no random vulgarity... it actually makes a statement. Listen to the lyrics before dismissing it.
P.S. I'm going to post about religion again, and I probably won't have a nice fuzzy disclaimer next time. If you read this blog and it doesn't challenge you in some way, then I don't think I'm doing my job. LEARN FROM YOUR DISCOMFORT.
P.P.S Sorry for the long delay before the new post. Camp takes over my life.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
ESOL Picnic
My mother teaches ESOL (English for Speakers of Other Languages) at a local high school in my hometown. The ESOL department had its annual picnic on Thursday, and I agreed to help her out in managing it. I got to meet all of my mother's students and eat great food from many different countries, so it was an excellent time. I enjoyed myself thoroughly!
Of course, I wouldn't be true to myself if my brain wasn't constantly analyzing everything. I saw several things, but I want to point out the most significant:
I noticed that the students were very touchy feely with each other, and it seemed harmless at first glance. But as I looked more closely, I noticed that (unsurprisingly) the physical contact was always instigated by boys and not always appreciated by girls. This observation started to really bother me, for reasons that should be obvious. I was bothered enough that I intervened once (I tried giving some friendly advice about women), although all it earned me was a few tossed off homophobic remarks... I think I managed to annoy the boy, though, so that was a plus.
But by no means was that it. I noticed that a few of the girls decided they didn't feel like being objects for the teenage boys' sexual pleasure and weren't shy about showing it. They pushed the guys away, smacked them, and even elbowed them. They let loose whenever they needed to.
Now, I am of two minds about this. On the one hand, I hate that such action is necessary. On the other, I'm glad it was happening. Not gonna lie, it made me giggle several times to see the boys' cringes of pain... especially after repeated attempts to engage in sexual harassment. Later, I told my mom about it and how happy it made me. She said, "I taught them that! I told them that they don't have to do what boys want, and if the boys try to take advantage they can tell them no. I taught them to use force to say no if necessary. Especially the elbows... They're sharp."
I love my mother.
EDIT: I noticed that the writing in this entry was worse than usual. I wrote it quickly and felt bad about it afterwards. So I fixed it. It has now been refurbished to comply with my meticulously maintained standard of mediocrity. I do hope you can stand to rest your eyeballs upon it now.
Of course, I wouldn't be true to myself if my brain wasn't constantly analyzing everything. I saw several things, but I want to point out the most significant:
I noticed that the students were very touchy feely with each other, and it seemed harmless at first glance. But as I looked more closely, I noticed that (unsurprisingly) the physical contact was always instigated by boys and not always appreciated by girls. This observation started to really bother me, for reasons that should be obvious. I was bothered enough that I intervened once (I tried giving some friendly advice about women), although all it earned me was a few tossed off homophobic remarks... I think I managed to annoy the boy, though, so that was a plus.
But by no means was that it. I noticed that a few of the girls decided they didn't feel like being objects for the teenage boys' sexual pleasure and weren't shy about showing it. They pushed the guys away, smacked them, and even elbowed them. They let loose whenever they needed to.
Now, I am of two minds about this. On the one hand, I hate that such action is necessary. On the other, I'm glad it was happening. Not gonna lie, it made me giggle several times to see the boys' cringes of pain... especially after repeated attempts to engage in sexual harassment. Later, I told my mom about it and how happy it made me. She said, "I taught them that! I told them that they don't have to do what boys want, and if the boys try to take advantage they can tell them no. I taught them to use force to say no if necessary. Especially the elbows... They're sharp."
I love my mother.
EDIT: I noticed that the writing in this entry was worse than usual. I wrote it quickly and felt bad about it afterwards. So I fixed it. It has now been refurbished to comply with my meticulously maintained standard of mediocrity. I do hope you can stand to rest your eyeballs upon it now.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
So I'm trying this thing where not every blog post is a freaking dissertation in length
If you can't read this, click on it for a fullscreen version.
Someone posted this on reddit with the text: "Now I understand the gender gap".
For reasons you can probably imagine, this pissed me off.
It's more or less a declaration of ignorance. Because all guys want to have sex all the time (and in the bathroom) and no women ever want to. Also, societal messages to women about what their sexuality should be don't exist and women are just stupid for not wanting to have sex with me, the author of this comic.
What an asshole.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Who I Am
I haven't been on the internet much for the past week or so, so that's why I stopped updating frequently. Not that it really matters for my readership of two or three people, but anyway.
This post is going to get slightly more personal than the last few, but I have learned the power of the presence of the author's voice. I'm rather passionate about this issue and it's a large part of my life, so I decided that I simply had to write about it.
I have felt for a long time that music always makes me feel better. If you've been around me when I'm extraordinarily upset, one defense mechanism is to go lay on my bed and listen to music alone. I've used this strategy many a time. Even when I'm just feeling a bit down, listening to certain music almost inevitably makes me feel better. But there's more to it than a simple mood change. While music can often affect my emotions, I feel like there's more going on when I listen in. It's not easy to explain, but when I listen to music I sometimes feel more like myself than I do at other times. Honestly, it feels like a liberation. The question is, from what?
I've thought a lot about this, and many things have become gradually more clear to me over the last year or so. Basically, I've grown up being told I have to do certain activities, like certain things, think in certain ways. Luckily, I have been spared the cruel punishment of growing up being taught such things by my parents, but none can escape the influence of other sources such as peers and the media. Why are these messages being sent? Well, I can think of two reasons I happen to know a good deal about: race and gender.
I've grown up with mostly white friends. I cannot count the number of times someone has told me that I don't "act black". This always struck me as inconsequential, as I never self-identified as black. I never had much of a concept of race growing up apart from these somewhat awkward exchanges, although I understood ethnicity. My dad was from Guinea (West African country for those who do not know) and my mom was from here and that was that. Skin color difference explained. But I didn't really think about race. I never understood why my friends expected me to act "black". My family never did and neither did my friends. But for some unexplained reason, I didn't fit. I wasn't really black but I also wasn't white. Even though I didn't really understand it, there was no place for me racially.
The gender aspect of this problem was much more pervasive in my life, and continues to plague me to this very day. It started early with my love of reading. As a boy, I was supposed to love sports and be very active and shit like that. But I preferred reading by myself. As an older child and into adolescence, this became a problem for me. In the social pecking order, such activities earned me the convenient label of nerd. Other things also impacted my place in the social sphere of growing up. I was never particularly competitive (except for during foosball, perhaps) or assertive. I learned how to be funny. While I loved attention, I never felt comfortable being a leader. I really liked being nice to other people. While many of these traits are definitely MY qualities, you'll notice that they don't really intersect with the masculine ideal. While many people might say that these are things they like about me, not all of them (in fact, a minority of them) are what men are supposed to be like. Until relatively recently, and with notable exceptions, this has led to me having an abundance of friends but a definite lack of respect from other people. I have had the distinct feeling that a lot of people I knew didn't dislike me, but didn't really think all that much of me.
I spoke of notable exceptions, and I want to identify two of them in particular: Creative Kids Camp (a summer drama camp I attended while younger and work at now) and Longsdorff (the substance-free dorm at my college). I could go on at length about either, but the reason I value them both so highly is that in both places, I felt that people accepted me for who I was. I could be myself, in all my nerdy, nonmasculine, weird, dramatic glory. Nobody made fun of me for it. Nobody thought any less of me for enjoying any god-damn thing I wanted to. And that, I have come to learn, is rare.
Now, back to the music. Yesterday I had a rather shitty afternoon/evening but hadn't been able to fully articulate why. Although I woke up feeling better, something was building within me as an answer this question. It came to a head in an epiphany I had while cleaning the bathroom and listening to "Will I" from Rent. I'd come close to such a realization in the past, but it never came together so completely before. I'd felt the same emotions before as well, but rarely with the same clarity. As with other Rent songs, I sang along with the words. The song didn't speak directly to my predicament, but the raw emotion behind the song was powerfully similar. There was a definite feeling of being trapped, and a desperate wish for compassion. I have feelings like that every day when I have to conceal parts of who I am to fit in with other people and conform. I don't like doing it, but I often get the feeling that I have to anyway. As I sang along, the music took on a new meaning for me. I sang my unhappiness at the feelings I have to endure every day but I also sang my defiance. The action itself wasn't masculine but I didn't care because I like Rent and that is part of who I am and I don't care if people don't like it and I'm going to do it anyway. I sang my joy at breaking free, even temporarily, from the stranglehold I'd been placed in. I felt exhilarated and happy and above all else liberated.
That is why listening to music makes me feel more like myself and that is why I don't fucking like gender roles. Now wouldn't it be nice if I could also feel that much like myself outside of a select group of friends and not only while listening to music? That's the world I want to live in.
This post is going to get slightly more personal than the last few, but I have learned the power of the presence of the author's voice. I'm rather passionate about this issue and it's a large part of my life, so I decided that I simply had to write about it.
I have felt for a long time that music always makes me feel better. If you've been around me when I'm extraordinarily upset, one defense mechanism is to go lay on my bed and listen to music alone. I've used this strategy many a time. Even when I'm just feeling a bit down, listening to certain music almost inevitably makes me feel better. But there's more to it than a simple mood change. While music can often affect my emotions, I feel like there's more going on when I listen in. It's not easy to explain, but when I listen to music I sometimes feel more like myself than I do at other times. Honestly, it feels like a liberation. The question is, from what?
I've thought a lot about this, and many things have become gradually more clear to me over the last year or so. Basically, I've grown up being told I have to do certain activities, like certain things, think in certain ways. Luckily, I have been spared the cruel punishment of growing up being taught such things by my parents, but none can escape the influence of other sources such as peers and the media. Why are these messages being sent? Well, I can think of two reasons I happen to know a good deal about: race and gender.
I've grown up with mostly white friends. I cannot count the number of times someone has told me that I don't "act black". This always struck me as inconsequential, as I never self-identified as black. I never had much of a concept of race growing up apart from these somewhat awkward exchanges, although I understood ethnicity. My dad was from Guinea (West African country for those who do not know) and my mom was from here and that was that. Skin color difference explained. But I didn't really think about race. I never understood why my friends expected me to act "black". My family never did and neither did my friends. But for some unexplained reason, I didn't fit. I wasn't really black but I also wasn't white. Even though I didn't really understand it, there was no place for me racially.
The gender aspect of this problem was much more pervasive in my life, and continues to plague me to this very day. It started early with my love of reading. As a boy, I was supposed to love sports and be very active and shit like that. But I preferred reading by myself. As an older child and into adolescence, this became a problem for me. In the social pecking order, such activities earned me the convenient label of nerd. Other things also impacted my place in the social sphere of growing up. I was never particularly competitive (except for during foosball, perhaps) or assertive. I learned how to be funny. While I loved attention, I never felt comfortable being a leader. I really liked being nice to other people. While many of these traits are definitely MY qualities, you'll notice that they don't really intersect with the masculine ideal. While many people might say that these are things they like about me, not all of them (in fact, a minority of them) are what men are supposed to be like. Until relatively recently, and with notable exceptions, this has led to me having an abundance of friends but a definite lack of respect from other people. I have had the distinct feeling that a lot of people I knew didn't dislike me, but didn't really think all that much of me.
I spoke of notable exceptions, and I want to identify two of them in particular: Creative Kids Camp (a summer drama camp I attended while younger and work at now) and Longsdorff (the substance-free dorm at my college). I could go on at length about either, but the reason I value them both so highly is that in both places, I felt that people accepted me for who I was. I could be myself, in all my nerdy, nonmasculine, weird, dramatic glory. Nobody made fun of me for it. Nobody thought any less of me for enjoying any god-damn thing I wanted to. And that, I have come to learn, is rare.
Now, back to the music. Yesterday I had a rather shitty afternoon/evening but hadn't been able to fully articulate why. Although I woke up feeling better, something was building within me as an answer this question. It came to a head in an epiphany I had while cleaning the bathroom and listening to "Will I" from Rent. I'd come close to such a realization in the past, but it never came together so completely before. I'd felt the same emotions before as well, but rarely with the same clarity. As with other Rent songs, I sang along with the words. The song didn't speak directly to my predicament, but the raw emotion behind the song was powerfully similar. There was a definite feeling of being trapped, and a desperate wish for compassion. I have feelings like that every day when I have to conceal parts of who I am to fit in with other people and conform. I don't like doing it, but I often get the feeling that I have to anyway. As I sang along, the music took on a new meaning for me. I sang my unhappiness at the feelings I have to endure every day but I also sang my defiance. The action itself wasn't masculine but I didn't care because I like Rent and that is part of who I am and I don't care if people don't like it and I'm going to do it anyway. I sang my joy at breaking free, even temporarily, from the stranglehold I'd been placed in. I felt exhilarated and happy and above all else liberated.
That is why listening to music makes me feel more like myself and that is why I don't fucking like gender roles. Now wouldn't it be nice if I could also feel that much like myself outside of a select group of friends and not only while listening to music? That's the world I want to live in.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Why I won't be watching HIMYM anymore
So, my most recent semester in college yielded some changes for me. The most obvious of these changes is that I have started analyzing every bit of media I consume for messages about marginalized groups. It's actually quite infuriating because I can't turn it off and I've found myself rejecting certain music or television because of messages I find offensive. Even if I try to ignore those things, they still really bother me. Luckily, now I have a blog where I get to vent about it!
Anyway, let's get more specific: How I Met Your Mother. I think this show is hilarious. I've been trying to catch up to the current season of it because I think it's awesome and legendary. Now, I've been dimly aware for a little while that HIMYM is what I would call an extremely white show. In this particular case, that means that all of the main characters are white. But, I figured, this is by no means uncommon so it didn't really bother me. Their portrayal of one of the only black minor characters, Barney's brother, didn't seem too bad. So I was able to ignore the slight annoyance in the back of my mind.
But then I saw the episode where Robin's first boyfriend comes to town and we learn about "Revertigo". Here's a recap of the part of the show I found offensive:
Revertigo is when you’re around someone from your past and you revert back to how you used to act back when you knew that person. Ted and Marshall use Lily as an example. When Lily’s around her high school friend Michelle, she suffers from revertigo. Marshall mentions Michelle to Lily and gets her to set up a hang-out date so they can demonstrate the behavior. When Lily and Michelle are together, they both act all gangsta, saying things like “Aw girl, you gotta get yo drink on up in hurr!” and “I’ma get me my champagne and grape soda awn.” When separated, both Michelle and Lily revert back to speaking normally.
In case you haven't guessed it, Michelle is black. This pissed me the fuck off. Really, though, what made me the most angry was that I really enjoy this show. And now I know if I watch it, I'm just going to see more shit like that. The fact that such stereotyping was there once put me off enough that I didn't finish the episode. Thus ends my time of watching How I Met Your Mother. Whoop-de-fucking-doo.
Anyway, let's get more specific: How I Met Your Mother. I think this show is hilarious. I've been trying to catch up to the current season of it because I think it's awesome and legendary. Now, I've been dimly aware for a little while that HIMYM is what I would call an extremely white show. In this particular case, that means that all of the main characters are white. But, I figured, this is by no means uncommon so it didn't really bother me. Their portrayal of one of the only black minor characters, Barney's brother, didn't seem too bad. So I was able to ignore the slight annoyance in the back of my mind.
But then I saw the episode where Robin's first boyfriend comes to town and we learn about "Revertigo". Here's a recap of the part of the show I found offensive:
Revertigo is when you’re around someone from your past and you revert back to how you used to act back when you knew that person. Ted and Marshall use Lily as an example. When Lily’s around her high school friend Michelle, she suffers from revertigo. Marshall mentions Michelle to Lily and gets her to set up a hang-out date so they can demonstrate the behavior. When Lily and Michelle are together, they both act all gangsta, saying things like “Aw girl, you gotta get yo drink on up in hurr!” and “I’ma get me my champagne and grape soda awn.” When separated, both Michelle and Lily revert back to speaking normally.
In case you haven't guessed it, Michelle is black. This pissed me the fuck off. Really, though, what made me the most angry was that I really enjoy this show. And now I know if I watch it, I'm just going to see more shit like that. The fact that such stereotyping was there once put me off enough that I didn't finish the episode. Thus ends my time of watching How I Met Your Mother. Whoop-de-fucking-doo.
KissCam what the Eff is Wrong With You?
So, I recently attended an Orioles game with a few of my friends, right? I had a blast with them and really enjoyed the hangout time and the game (and the beer, too).
Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar with baseball games, at several points during the game the big screen on the scoreboard shows camera shots of the crowd. One of these times, the screen shows what it calls the Kiss Cam. The camera scans the crowd and shows us a shot of a couple who are then expected to kiss. The fans enjoy seeing the realizations of people as they figure out that they are on the big screen, and the whole crowd cheers when they kiss. Such a practice is supposed to represent a fun thing that they do for everyone's enjoyment. I enjoyed it and cheered along with the rest, at first.
But something started to bother me about the couples they showed. To the best of my memory, every single one of the couples shown was white and heterosexual. Before you reach for your indignant hat, let me explain why I have a problem with this.
First of all, why were all of the couples white? You can blather on about the demographics of the crowd all you want, but you cannot tell me that no Black or Latino or Asian American or any other racial minorities attended the game. And if there are people of any race at a baseball game, there will be couples. Why only show white couples? Just as importantly, why not show interracial couples? It would be silly to argue that there were no interracial couples in the crowd. Racially mixed couples are not a porn fetish. They exist in the real world. Why were they not represented here? And, please, don't start saying that all of the couples just happened to be white. The people operating the cameras made deliberate choices in deciding who to show on the screen.
Secondly, why were all of the pairings one man and one woman? This one is slightly trickier. Queer couples exist too and they deserve representation just as much as heterosexual couples do. Why were they not shown? Now, you may be saying something along the lines of, "But how are they supposed to know who's a couple and who isn't unless it's a man and a woman?" My response to that would be that they have no guarantee. But if you think about it, they never know for sure if they are showing a couple. They use their best guess. It is no different for two men, or two women, or someone who is genderqueer with a trans man. They have no way of knowing. They have to go with assumptions. And if you always pick heterosexual couples and never queer couples, it means something. It means that you assume heterosexuality.
Of course, I'm sure the people running the cameras also think about it from the other direction as well. Think about the consequences of they are wrong. With a man and a woman, the two can just laugh it off if the camerapeople are incorrect and maybe they'll kiss anyway, in the spirit of the thing. But I'd bet my britches (if I had any) that any two men shown on the camera who were heterosexual would feel insulted. It would take a rare man (by which I mean a non-homophobic "straight" man, of which there are few) to not be put off by such a display. That's just the reality of our society, disappointing as it is. I'd bet that two men mistaken for a couple would almost NEVER kiss. The crowd would be weirded out by this as well.
But even if the people in charge were considering these angles as carefully as I have, their failure to challenge anyone's thinking and their compliance with racist and heterosexist biases among their customers means that they participated in what is known as an institutionalization of heterosexuality.
Finally, I want to talk about the whole premise of the thing. It would not surprise me to hear that some people don't particularly want to be on the Kiss Cam. The idea of the Kiss Cam is that people perform a sexual/romantic act for everybody else. This means that their sexuality becomes a performance for everybody else. Now that I think about it, in my mind, I wouldn't particularly want my relationship with somebody else to become lowered some form of entertainment for other people. My sexuality is my concern, not the concern of everyone in the stadium. And especially if I were, say, a lesbian for example, I would NOT want a sexual act of mine to become the domain of all of the people watching. The image of two women making out has been so commercialized and hypersexualized in the media that I honestly wouldn't like how all of the people would be looking at me before, during, and afterwards. My point here is that I don't think sexuality should be a performance for everyone to observe and judge. Relationships are supposed to mean more than that.
I hope that I've made you think about this a little more deeply, because now that I am... I think the Kiss Cam idea is totally fucked up.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Now, a post with actual Content™
I'm going to start off this blog with an excellent link. Here it is!
http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/
This website is dedicated to, wait for it... stopping street harassment. It offers information to educate yourself with, resources for combating different types of behavior, and ideas about how to defeat street harassment once and for all.
What is this street harassment thing? The website discusses that thusly:
Overview: Street harassment is any action or comment between strangers in public places that is disrespectful, unwelcome, threatening and/or harassing and is motivated by gender. In countries like India and Bangladesh, it’s termed “eve teasing,” and in countries like Egypt, it’s called “public sexual harassment.” Street harassment is a human rights issue because it limits women’s ability to be in public as often or as comfortably as most men.
http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/
This website is dedicated to, wait for it... stopping street harassment. It offers information to educate yourself with, resources for combating different types of behavior, and ideas about how to defeat street harassment once and for all.
What is this street harassment thing? The website discusses that thusly:
Overview: Street harassment is any action or comment between strangers in public places that is disrespectful, unwelcome, threatening and/or harassing and is motivated by gender. In countries like India and Bangladesh, it’s termed “eve teasing,” and in countries like Egypt, it’s called “public sexual harassment.” Street harassment is a human rights issue because it limits women’s ability to be in public as often or as comfortably as most men.
Types: It ranges from leers, whistles, honks, kissing noises, and non-sexually explicit evaluative comments, to more insulting and threatening behavior like vulgar gestures, sexually charged comments, flashing, and stalking, to illegal actions like public masturbation, sexual touching, assault, and murder.
Gender-based street harassment can intersect with racism, homophobia and transphobia, classism, and/or ableism (as explored in Chapter 3 of the Stop Street Harassment book) to create multi-layered harassment.
Street harassment is a huge problem, specifically because people don't see it as such. It has happened to my friends and I have friends that have done it. But not until I visited this site did I realize how widespread it is and how I had been complicit in its happening. Let me show you with an example:
I was standing on a sidewalk with a female friend of mine, and we were discussing what so-and-so did with such-and-such the previous weekend, or something. A truck drives by, and a man leans out of the window and shouts "GIT R DUN" while his buddy laughs. My friend is visibly disturbed by this, and I urge her to ignore it. She looks rather upset as the truck stops at a nearby red light and the men inside continue to laugh. I give them no attention whatsoever, feeling that in such situations the best solution is to pretend nothing is happening. Eventually, the truck drives away. My friend got over this event quickly (at least to my knowledge, which is admittedly limited) but I still remember the look on her face to this day.
What I did was wrong. Let me repeat that, just so we are all clear. I was wrong. In ignoring those men, we allowed them to think what they were doing was okay, an amusing annoyance to us at worst. While I was able to shake off the negative effects of such an experience with ease (all credit sarcastically given to male privilege), I wasn't the one being objectified in this scenario. I was complicit in the oppression of my friend when I encouraged her to remain silent and not to speak out against such an attack on her person. I apologize for that sincerely and I would act differently now. That link I posted up there gave me one tool I shall certainly take advantage of in the future: when you hear street harassment you should respond with a simple statement such as, "Stop harassing women." Another good one is, "Show some respect."
I urge you to go to this website and look around. Chances are, you'll learn something.
FIRST
Okay. This is my blog that I made primarily for me. I've been spending a lot of time with ideas bouncing around in my head recently and I figured that I might as well start writing them down to reexamine later. Goodness knows I haven't got the time or desire to go remembering them or some nonsense like that.
Also, I figure this is a good way to stop clogging up people's news feeds with my incessant links on facebook.
Anyway, if you are reading this and are not me, it means I broke down and told someone about this. You're lucky. But don't get comfortable! This is not a happy place. This is a place of challenged thinking and frustration and stuff. Terrible place to get comfortable.
Enjoy!
Also, I figure this is a good way to stop clogging up people's news feeds with my incessant links on facebook.
Anyway, if you are reading this and are not me, it means I broke down and told someone about this. You're lucky. But don't get comfortable! This is not a happy place. This is a place of challenged thinking and frustration and stuff. Terrible place to get comfortable.
Enjoy!
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